


Hurt Like Mine

by SuperNovaBaby



Category: Captain America (Movies), Gifted (Movie 2017), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Body Image, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Drinking, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Parent Steve Rogers, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Teacher Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-08-01 16:03:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16287605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperNovaBaby/pseuds/SuperNovaBaby
Summary: Steve Rogers lives in Florida and works as a boat mechanic while caring for his 7 year old niece, Mary. He sends Mary to school for the first time and she's quickly identified as unusually intelligent by her first grade teacher, James "Bucky" Barnes.Unfortunately Bucky's good intentions threaten Steve's continued custody of Mary. Will Steve and Bucky be able to figure out what's best for Mary? And will they be able to salvage whatever is happening between them?





	1. Good Day Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a re-telling of the plot of the movie 'Gifted' mashed up with Captain America and featuring a healthy dose of Stucky. I'm going for dramedy here and there will definitely be some naughty stuff in future chapters. 
> 
> Wait for it...
> 
> I don't know much about the military so apologies for inaccuracies. 
> 
> Unbetaed, all mistakes are mine.

Steve woke to the feeling of something tickling his nose. He opened one eye. The cat took that as an invitation to head butt him, hard, right in the face.

“Dang it, Fred,” Steve said. “Ugh, it’s not even 6am.”  
Fred, the orange tom cat who had adopted them a few months ago, just sat down on his chest and stared at his face with one good eye.  
“Well, I guess you’re good for something,” he muttered glancing at his ancient, analog clock radio. “Alarm clock’s busted anyway.”

He shoved the cat gently off his chest and threw back the covers. Steve made his way to the kitchen and more importantly the coffee maker, pushing the button and sighing when he heard it come to life. He grabbed Fred’s food from above the fridge. He had to keep it up there; the damn cat would get into it otherwise and eat until he made himself sick.

Steve bent to fill Fred’s dish with kibble and was looking over his water supply when he heard the stomp of a tiny foot. He looked up and took in the glare on Mary’s face.

“I’m not going,” she said.  
Steve sighed. “We talked about this, kiddo. You gotta go.”  
“Why?” she asked.  
“You know why.”  
“But I already know how to read,” she protested, crossing her arms across her chest and turning the scowl down to her feet.  
“Yeah, you do,” Steve agreed. “But you need socialization and to be around kids your age.”  
“Kids my age are stupid.” Mary protested.  
Steve couldn’t help the laugh that huffed out of him at that.  
“Hey now, what did we say about manners?”  
Mary hesitated, chewing her lip. “That they’re important.”  
“That’s right, and…”  
“...and I should pretend I’m a primatologist, like Jane Goodall and the chimps.”  
Steve choked out another laugh. “I think I said anthropologist, not primatologist.”  
“Whatever,” Mary said and threw her hands up.

Steve walked over and knelt down in front of her. He lifted her chin so that he could meet her eyes.  
“You can do this, kiddo,” he said softly. “Please, you have to try...” Then he pulled out the big guns. “...for your mom? She’d want you to try.”  
Mary just looked at him for a long minute. Then she nodded, once.  
Steve hugged her. “That’s my girl,” he said. “Now, go and get dressed, okay Ensign?”  
“Aye, aye Captain!” she shouted in his face, giving him a salute.

Steve smiled and stood up. Maybe first grade would be okay after all, he thought.

******

Steve pulled his beat up Ford over and parked across from the school. He decided to drive Mary for her first day before heading over to the boat shop. He glanced over at her. Mary was sitting with her arms crossed over her chest, a look of angry determination on her face.

He reached over and unbuckled her belt. 

“Time to go, kiddo,” he said.  
“Fine,” she said and opened her door.  
Steve jumped out and ran around to her side.  
“Whoa there, slow down! I’ll walk you up.”  
“Fine,” she said again.

Steve got down on one knee. “Mary, I -” he started. She looked at him. “I - just, just try to get through the day, okay?” he pleaded.

She threw the strap of her backpack over one shoulder and took his hand. 

“C’mon. It’s this way,” she said. He followed her up to the door. Roberta had brought Mary to the orientation, so it was Steve’s first time seeing the classroom procedure. 

“We line up by the blue rectangle,” she explained.  
“It’s a blue square,” another kid chimed in. He must have overheard her. “I’m Damian,” said the red-headed boy. “Are you in Mr. Bucky’s class too?”  
“Two of the sides are LONGER than the others. That makes it a rectangle NOT a square,” Mary said, glaring at the boy.

Steve bent down and extended his hand.  
“Hi Damian. I’m Steve and this is Mary,” he said. “Mary is in Mr. Barnes’s class.”  
“Hi Steve,” answered Damian, giving Mary the side eye. “Everyone calls him ‘Mr. Bucky.’ My brother was in his class. And he always told me he lined up every day by the blue SQUARE.”

Mary looked like she was about to argue when Steve noticed a man approaching them. He was close to Steve’s height - maybe an inch or two shorter, and had long dark hair, half of it pulled back from his face. His khaki chinos stretched over thick, muscular thighs, and Steve absolutely did not notice how well his button up checked shirt fit him. He smiled at them and Steve did notice that. Dang, that was one radiant smile, he thought.

“Hey there, kids, are you looking for my line?” he asked. Damian nodded.  
“Hi there,” he said,“I’m Mr. Bucky, and you’re Damian, Johnny’s brother, right?” Damian nodded, smiling back proudly. He looked at Steve and then at Mary. “And you’re Mary, right?” Mary nodded once, still scowling. “We met the other day, but you had Ms. Roberta with you, I think. Care to introduce me to who brought you today?” 

Mary threw a hand in Steve’s direction. “This is Steve,” she said, petulantly. “Steve is my adult.” 

The man turned his attention back to Steve and extended his right hand. “Hi there,” he said. Steve met his eyes and forgot how to say words for a minute. He cleared his throat and finally shook his hand. 

“Nice to meet you, Mr...Bucky?” he said suddenly feeling ridiculous calling another adult ‘Mr.’ let alone ‘Bucky.’  
Mary’s teacher just smiled even wider and laughed a little.  
“Just Bucky is fine,” he said. “My name is James, but everyone calls me ‘Bucky’ because my middle name is ‘Buchanan.’”  
“Steve Rogers,” Steve said, shaking Bucky’s hand a little too enthusiastically. 

Steve looked down at where their hands were joined and noticed Bucky’s other hand. It was slightly off somehow; the skin was too smooth.

Steve realized his mistake when Bucky let go of his right hand, having noticed Steve staring at his left. 

“I’m sorry,” Steve muttered. He felt his cheeks heat up.  
“Don’t worry about it,” Bucky said. “Lost it 'Over There.'”  
“Army?” Steve asked.  
“Yeah, Iraq.” Bucky said.  
Steve nodded. “Did two tours in Afghanistan before Mary was born.”  
Bucky looked surprised. He seemed about to say something when the bell rang.

“Nice to meet you, Steve,” he said. “We’ll take good care of Mary.”  
Steve nodded and waved to Mary who turned to follow Bucky and the other kids into the school. 

“See ya, kiddo,” he said quietly, and said a silent prayer that the rest of the day would go well. 

*****


	2. Lonely Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's POV. Bucky learns his new student Mary is gifted and tries to talk to Steve about it. It doesn't go well, but other things do.

Mary Rogers was clearly not an average 7 year old. Bucky knew that inside of ten minutes on the first day of class. Today was Friday, five days in, and he was still trying to figure out what to do about it. Mary had sighed indignantly at his first math lesson. He’d tried creating what he considered to be advanced problems for a first grader, two digit multiplication. She sailed through that in under a minute, bringing him the worksheet along with a scowl. After school that day he walked down the hall to Natasha’s 5th grade classroom and asked to copy pages from her workbook. Nat had quirked an eyebrow at him but she’d helped. Mary seemed at least somewhat placated by this.

And then there was Mary’s ‘adult,’ Steve. Bucky shifted in his chair, trying and failing not to picture Steve Rogers’ blue eyes and sad smile. He recalled the feeling of Steve’s warm, calloused hand pressed against his own. He sighed. 

Bucky took another bite of his PB&J and opened a web browser. The school computers were terribly slow cranking along behind their firewalls. He figured he’d multitask and eat his lunch while researching testing for intellectually gifted children. 

*****

It was 2:55pm on Friday and Bucky was so ready for the weekend, even though it was only the end of the first week of class. He wandered through the classroom, checking on the kids’ coloring, and trying not to will time to move faster. Bucky was looking forward to happy hour with his co-workers and then a Lord of the Rings marathon with Nat. 

Bucky paused near Mary’s group. Mary was bent over her paper and scribbling intently with the orange crayon. Bucky squatted down next to her. 

“Whatcha drawing there?”

“My people,” she said. “And Fred.” Mary pointed with the orange crayon to a four-legged figure on the paper. “He only has one eye.” She looked at Bucky. “You two would get along. Because you only have one arm.”

Bucky cleared his throat to cover the laugh that bubbled up. He pointed to the tallest figure on the page. 

“Is this your dad?” he asked.

“That’s Steve,” she answered. 

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “Your dad, right?”

“Steve’s not my dad,” Mary said.

“What? He’s not your dad?”

Mary stopped coloring and looked at him.

“Steve is my uncle,” she said in a way that implied this was obvious and Bucky was an idiot. 

Bucky nodded. He should know better than to make assumptions he thought. Mary looked back down at her paper.

“My mom died,” she said.

“I’m sorry. Mine too,” Bucky said.

Mary looked at him again. She put her crayon down and put her tiny hand on his shoulder, tapping it lightly.

“That sucks. But we’re strong and we’ll be okay.” 

Bucky wondered how many times Steve had told her that. 

The bell rang and the kids moved quickly to clean up their tables and get ready to go home. After they lined up, Bucky walked them back out to the playground. He made sure each child found their adult. Mary was the only one left. Bucky glanced at his watch. It wasn’t like Roberta to be late, he thought. Just when he was ready to take Mary back inside and make a phone call, he saw Steve jogging toward them.

Steve stopped just short of where they were standing. His cheeks were pink from the exertion and damn it if that didn’t just make his eyes stand out more. 

“You’re late,” Mary said, scowling. “Mr. Bucky had to wait.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said. “Roberta had to deal with a burst main in one of the units.”

“It’s no trouble,” Bucky said. “Actually, could we talk for a minute?”

“Sure,” Steve said. “Mary, can you go on the swings?”

“But I hate the swings.”

“Then why do you make me push you at the park?” Steve asked.

Mary looked between them. “Fine,” she said, stomping off. 

Bucky turned to Steve. “Look, I’m not quite sure how to say this, so I’ll just come right out with it. I think Mary is gifted.”

Steve’s face changed instantly. It was like his expression closed in on itself. 

“She’s already doing fifth grade math problems like they’re nothing. I looked up some information about testing.” Bucky pulled a folded up piece of paper from his back pocket and held it out toward Steve.

Steve looked down at the paper in Bucky’s hand but didn’t take it from him.

“I’m worried that we won’t be able to meet her needs and this would give us some idea about where she’s at,” Bucky continued. “At least consider it?”

Steve took the paper from him. “Yeah, okay,” he said, folding the paper and slipping it into his shirt pocket without looking at it.

“Just let me know if you want me to arrange the testing,” Bucky said. “It’s been great getting to know Mary this week. Hope you have a good weekend.”

“You too,” Steve said. He turned and walked over to the swings. Bucky started to go back toward the door to the school when something made him look back. He saw Steve and Mary hand in hand and he watched as Steve removed the paper with testing information from his pocket and tossed it into the trash can. 

*****

Bucky held his breath. If he made this shot, the night’s drinks were on the house. He pulled his arm back, squinted one eye and lined up the shot. Actually focusing on the bullseye was a little tricky. He should not have let Nat talk him into those tequila shots. He exhaled and released the dart and watched as it struck the outer circle of the board. 

The crowd around him groaned. Clint patted him on the back. His fellow teachers made their way back to their table while Bucky followed Clint to the bar. 

“Tough luck, Barnes,” he said. “Looks like the next round is on you.”

“One of these days, Barton, I’m going to beat you.”

“Sure, you just keep telling yourself that, pal,” Clint fired back. Clint Barton had been running Hawkeye’s Bar for the past five years and had a standing bet that if anyone could beat him at darts, they’d drink for free. Bucky had come the closest, but Clint was damn near a perfect shot. 

He waited while Clint poured another round for everyone.

“Put it on my tab,” Bucky said as he watched Clint put the last beer on the tray and then pick up a coffee pot and drink straight out of it. He shook his head. “You know for as much coffee as you drink, I can’t believe your hands are steady.”

Clint just winked at him.

Bucky walked back to their table and set down the drink tray. He was pretty proud of his ability to carry a tray full of drinks with one hand even when slightly drunk. He heard the bell on the door jingle, indicating someone was going in or out but he didn’t really pay attention until he set Sam’s beer down in front of him and heard Nat speak up. 

“Hey, it’s the new guy,” she said.

“What ‘new guy?’” asked Sam Wilson, the gym teacher. Bucky smirked to himself at the envy he heard in Sam’s voice. It was an open secret that Sam had it bad for Natasha. An open secret that was extremely obvious to everyone except Natasha, Bucky amended in his head.

Natasha gestured with her beer bottle. “The sad, hot new guy,” she said.

Bucky turned to look. Oh shit, he thought. He watched as Goddamn Steve Rogers took a seat at the bar. 

“Hey isn’t his kid in your class, Barnes?” Nat asked.

“Yeah and I’d really rather he not see me like this.”

“Like what?” Sam asked. “Are you drunk already, Barnes?” 

“No.” Bucky said, indignantly. He considered a drop of water running down the side of his vodka and tonic. “Maybe a little.”

Nat laughed. “Lightweight,” she said. “You’re gonna have to rebuild that tolerance you lost over the summer, Barnes.” 

“Barnes! Barnes - get over here! I’m bored; How about a re-match?!” Clint was yelling.

Bucky saw everyone in the bar, Goddamn Steve Rogers included, turn and look in his direction. 

“C’mon, New Guy is in!” Clint added. “Let’s make this a three-way!”

Bucky rolled his eyes and groaned to himself. 

“Wooo!” Natasha whooped. “C’mon Barnes! It’s your lucky day! You get a second shot at free drinks!”

“Yeah, go on, man,” Sam added.

If Bucky could have shot lasers out of his eyes, both of his so-called friends would be dead. He walked over to where Clint was waiting for him. 

“Hey, Barnes, this is-”

“Steve Rogers,” Bucky said, “yeah, we’ve met.” Steve looked at him. 

“Sorry, if you’d rather not join us, it’s okay,” Steve said. “Barton said you were the best, next to him, of course.”

Clint just smiled at Bucky and handed him the darts.

“I hate you,” Bucky said.

*****

Bucky had no idea how it got to be midnight. He and Rogers had been talking, shooting darts, and nursing beers for the past three hours. His friends had long since gone home. He was still a little buzzed but he’d slowed down to match Steve’s glacial drinking pace. 

“Well, I’d better be getting home,” Steve said. “I’ve gotta work tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday,” said Bucky. 

“Yeah, I know, but I gotta go finish a repair on a motor we promised would be done yesterday.”

“What about Mary?” Bucky asked without thinking.

Steve’s shoulders slumped. “Yeah, she’s good. Roberta is coming over to hang with her.” He looked up and met Bucky’s eyes. “Thanks,” he said.

“Thanks for what?” Bucky asked.

“Thanks for helping Mary this week. I know she’s not an easy kid.”

Bucky shook his head. “She’s a great kid,” he said. “You’ve done a good job.”

Steve smiled his said smile. “I hope so,” he said. “How are you getting home?”

“Oh, I’ll just walk,” said Bucky. “I’m only a few blocks away.” He stood up and they walked out together. Bucky turned east to head toward home. Steve kept pace with him. 

“I’m going that way too - truck’s down the street,” Steve added. “I’ll walk with you, if that’s okay.”

They walked side by side for a few minutes. Bucky felt calm. It was nice, being with Steve. He didn’t feel like he had to fill the empty space with words, but the silence wasn’t awkward. Before long, Steve started to slow his pace.

“Well this is me,” he said. Bucky stopped too. 

“G’night, Rogers,” he said.

“Call me Steve?” 

“G’night, Steve,” Bucky said, moving to walk past. As he did, Steve caught his arm and turned him back around, pulling him into his space.

“Bucky-” Steve whispered, his face inches away. “I know this is a terrible idea, but -”

“What is it?” Bucky said back just as quietly. He was afraid if he spoke too loud he’d spook Steve and keep him from doing what Bucky hoped he was going to do.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, reaching one hand up to cup Bucky’s face.

“God, yes,” Bucky answered.

Steve leaned forward and sealed his lips over Bucky’s. His lips were as warm and soft as Bucky had hoped and he couldn’t help melting into Steve’s touch a bit. 

Steve pulled back and both of them were a little breathless in the cooling night air. Bucky rushed back in and threw his right arm around Steve’s neck, bringing him in for more. He parted his lips for Steve’s tongue, loving the feeling of their bodies pressed up against each other. Steve threaded his fingers through Bucky’s hair and pulled slightly, his other hand on Bucky’s hip. 

Bucky leaned back and moaned. It had been a bit of a dry spell and Steve was pushing all of the right buttons. He didn’t want it to stop, but only a few kisses later he heard some other voices; more people walking home from the bar, he guessed. And then Steve was stepping back and letting go far too quickly.

“I should go,” Steve said, his hair mussed and his eyes glowing.

“Yeah,” Bucky said, but every other part of him was screaming to get Steve to take him home. 

Steve squeezed his hand one last time and turned to get in his car. 

“Goodnight,” he said.

Bucky just stood there and watched him drive away, tenting his pants and seriously considering chasing Steve’s truck. 

"Goodnight," he whispered to Steve's taillights.

Goddamn the hot, sad new guy, he thought as he trudged up the block to his apartment.

*****


	3. Hard Row

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve deals with his attraction to Bucky with some extended "gentlemen's time" in the shower *ahem*. 
> 
> Later Steve is called to Principal Fury's office unexpectedly to deal with Mary's behavioral issues and they negotiate a new plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um...well here's some porn I guess. :) And then some not porn. More to come. (That's what she said). 
> 
> The italicized part is Steve's imagination. I hope the formatting works. Sorry, I'm trying, but not always clear about how it displays.

Chapter 3: Hard Row

Steve sighed and let the hot water beat down on his neck and shoulders. He hoped the extra five minutes in the shower would release some of the tension he was carrying. He rolled his head from side to side, stretching his neck and willing his uncooperative muscles to relax.

Roberta would watch Mary through the day. He was so grateful for her; he didn’t know what he’d do without her. More than a landlord and regular babysitter, Roberta was family. She wasn’t afraid to call him on his crap and he knew she was as invested in Mary’s happiness as he was.

For the millionth time that morning, he berated himself for his stupidity with Bucky the night before. Damn it, Steve, you know better, he chided.

But then he thought about kissing Bucky. God the way he’d molded his body to Steve’s. Steve felt his dick stir as he recalled Bucky’s clever tongue and his bright eyes in the moonlight.

To hell with it, he thought, taking himself in his hand. He stroked himself a few times and then dug through the supplies on the small shelf just outside the shower for the baby oil he kept there. He poured a bit of oil in his palm and then coated himself. He thought about Bucky pressed up against him, this time deliberately recalling the memory; thinking of the way he tasted and the feeling of his strong hand on Steve’s neck, then chest, then hip, pulling them closer together.

God he’d wanted more, so much more. Steve stroked himself faster and ran one hand up his chest, over his own neck and cheek, thinking of the softness of Bucky’s hair and close-cropped beard against his skin. He wanted to feel that hair against him again. He imagined what he’d do if Bucky were with him in the shower.

_Steve flipped Bucky around, grinding himself against that perfect ass, sliding his aching hardness against firm, smooth skin. He stroked and squeezed Bucky’s cock in one hand and ran the other up Bucky’s chest to grip him under the chin and gently turn his head to the side._

_He rubbed his nose and lips over the space at the back of Bucky’s neck, breathing in the scent of him and making Bucky drop his head back against Steve’s shoulder and moan. He nipped at Bucky’s neck ran his tongue over the shell of his ear._

_“God, Steve,” Bucky said, arching his back and letting Steve’s cock slip between his asscheeks. Steve captured Bucky’s lips in a kiss and Bucky opened to him, their tongues sliding together._

_Bucky reached back with his hand and grabbed Steve’s hip, pulling him closer. The friction was driving Steve slightly insane. He stroked Bucky faster and ran his teeth over the straining tendon of his neck. He worked on sucking a mark there and heard Bucky moan “Fuck.”_

_He felt Bucky come before he looked down to see him._

Steve came hard, slapping his free hand against the shower tile, shaken out of his fantasy. His shoulders shook with the force of it; he gasped in a few deep breaths, willing his heart to slow.

Guilt flooded through him about what he’d done. You will not screw this up for Mary, he thought; no matter how hot her teacher is, his unhelpful brain added.

*****

Steve drove faster than he knew he should on his way to Mary’s school. Bucky had called ten minutes earlier and although he’d tried to force calm into his voice, Steve could tell he was masking anxiety.

He pulled into the open ‘visitor’ spot closest to the school, threw his truck into park, and barreled out of it without bothering to lock up. Steve rushed to the principal's office and saw Mary first, sitting by herself, her arms crossed and eyes sparking with anger. He ignored Bucky and the other person in the office and bent down to his knees to look Mary in the face.

“You okay?” he asked as gently as he could. “You hurt, kiddo?” He touched her knee.

Mary sighed but met his eyes. “I’m okay.” Steve looked her over. Other than being upset, she seemed okay.

“You want to tell me what this is about?” he asked.

“Your daughter assaulted another student,” the non-Bucky person said. Steve looked up at the tall African American man who must have been Principal Fury. He looked back at Mary.

“Is that what happened?” he asked.

“I don’t like bullies,” she said. “You always said we have to stand up for the little guy.”

Steve nodded. “I did,” he agreed.

Mary continued. “Flash was picking on Peter. So I...made him stop.”

Principal Fury huffed. “You made him stop alright, by breaking his nose.”

Steve looked back at Mary. “Is that right?”

“But he put a spider down the back of Peter’s shirt!”

Steve hid his smile at that. “I understand. And I’m glad you tried to help your friend, but next time, maybe get Mr. Bucky or another teacher, okay?”

Mary nodded.

Steve stood up. “Are we done here?” he asked Principal Fury.

Fury looked from Steve to Mary. “Almost. Barnes would you take Mary out into the hall for a moment?” he asked. “I’d like a word with Rogers.”

Steve looked at Mary. “It’s okay. You can go with Mr. Bucky. I’ll just be a minute.”

Mary nodded and walked over to take Bucky’s hand. Steve met Bucky’s eyes as they left the office to wait in the hall. As they passed by, Bucky nodded slightly. Steve got the impression he was trying to reassure him.

Steve turned toward back toward Fury.

“Have a seat, Rogers,” Fury said, walking back to sit behind his desk and gesturing to the chair opposite.

“I’ll stand.”

“Suit yourself," Fury said, shrugging. "Barnes tells me that Mary is doing high school math and she’s doing it easily. Has Mary always shown this kind of aptitude?”

Steve sighed. “I guess so. I mean I knew she was bright, like her mother,” he added. “But I hoped she’d be able to fit in with the normal kids.”

Fury fixed him with a stare. “I’m not sure we’re the best fit for a child with Mary’s...needs.”

“Are you kicking her out?” Steve asked. “C’mon she’s barely been here a month! At least let her try-”

Fury cut him off with a wave of his hand. “Nobody is kicking anybody out.”

Steve sighed and relaxed his shoulders.

Fury continued. “I don’t know much about the particular needs of gifted children, but what I do know is that kids with these exceptional abilities often need additional support. Additional support we just don’t have.” He paused like he was considering something and Steve waited for him to continue. “Would you be open to Mary taking some classes off campus?”

“Off campus? Like where?” Steve asked. “There’s a private school not too far away that has gifted and talented programming embedded in their curriculum. With your permission, and after some assessment testing, we could consider Mary taking the appropriate level classes for part of the day and then returning to Barnes’s class for the rest.”

Steve took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I don’t know,” he said. He looked Fury in the eye. “Private school? We aren’t exactly wealthy.”

Fury waved his hand again, this time in a dismissive gesture. “Never mind that,” he said. “We’d either get Mary a scholarship or the district would cover it. We have funds allocated for special educational needs. Mary definitely has those.”

Steve felt his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “Huh, well that’s convenient,” he said. “Alright, I want to ask Mary about whether she wants to do testing first, but I’m willing to try.”

Steve shifted his weight forward onto one foot and leaned toward Fury. “And the minute - no the second Mary starts to show any indication that she’s stressed out by all of this, we’re out, deal?” He extended his hand.

Fury reached forward and shook Steve’s hand. “Deal,” he said.

*****


	4. Set You Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's POV. Bucky gets terribly sick and receives help from an unlikely visitor. He and Steve bond over Lord of the Rings and grow closer despite an incredibly awkward Halloween costume choice on his part. Bucky is learning he really has no self control when it comes to one Steve Goddamn Rogers and well that's not necessarily a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. This is a long one. (That's what she said). Sorry this took me longer than expected to write but I hope you'll find it worth the wait. I really, really enjoy putting Bucky in awkward situations. There's some quality? humor in this one and some naughty stuff as well as some hurt/comfort and Bucky working through some body image issues. 
> 
> Warning for smut.

Chapter 4: Set You Free

 

_ This is it; this is how I die _ , he thought. His brain wrote the obituary headline: ‘ _ Combat veteran survives IED and is taken down by mystery virus.’ _

 

He must have gotten it from one of the kids. Darn the little disease vectors, Bucky thought, while blowing his nose again despite the fact that it wasn’t doing anything to move the solid mass of snot currently clogging up his face. He felt terrible; the fever had broken the other day, at least, but he was still coughing and generally feeling like shit. 

 

Since starting his job as a first grade teacher five years ago, Bucky had only missed a day or two, and he’d never needed a sub multiple days in a row. He was considering yet another shower to try to loosen up some of the congestion when he heard a banging on his door. 

 

_ Shit _ , he thought.  _ Who the hell could that be? _ Everyone he knew was at the school. Everyone except Clint, his brain amended. 

 

Bucky pulled the blanket he’d wrapped around himself tighter and shuffled over to the door. 

Later, Bucky would realize that was the biggest indicator of how sick he was. He’d never opened the door without checking his door cam and usually his friends knew to text him first. The impatient visitor banged on the door again. 

 

“Alright, I’m coming,” Bucky yelled. He flung the door open without thinking. 

 

“Clint - what the hell-” Bucky dropped the blanket. Instead of Clint, Steve Goddamn Rogers stood on his front porch holding a brown paper bag and wearing an adorable bemused expression.

 

Steve bent and picked up the blanket with his free hand and offered it to Bucky. “You dropped this.”

 

“What?” Bucky started, his brain plodding along on a five second delay. He tried again. “What are you doing here?”

 

Steve shrugged. “Mary said you’ve been sick this week. She misses you, by the way.”

 

Bucky just looked at him.

 

“I brought some chicken soup. Family recipe,” he added lifting the bag to get Bucky’s attention. “I wanted to thank you, anyway; for helping Mary get sorted with the math classes at Pierce Institute.”

 

Bucky nodded.

 

“And...Clint might have mentioned where you live,” Steve added. “And not-so-subtly implied that someone should check on you.” Steve nodded to himself. “I realize now Clint was setting me up.” He reached around and draped the blanket back over Bucky’s shoulder, handing the corners to his right hand.

 

Steve stepped back. “My apologies, I’m still learning Clint’s sense of humor.” Steve set the soup on the top porch railing. “I’ll just go,” he turned his body to leave. “Feel better soon,” he said.

 

“Wait,” Bucky croaked, his sore throat aching. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Wait,” he said. Steve turned back.

 

“Thank you, for the soup. My mom used to make me chicken soup when I was sick,” he smiled at the memory.  _ Why the hell was he babbling _ , he thought. J _ ust say thanks for the soup and shut up, Barnes. _

 

“Do you-do you want to come in?” Bucky asked. “I mean, I don’t want to get you sick. But if you’re not busy - I was just going to start ‘ _ The Fellowship of the Ring _ .’ Nat loaned me her extended edition blu-ray.”  

 

Steve smiled and Bucky nearly squinted at how bright his expression was.

 

“Sure, I’m off until Mary’s ready for pick up,” he said. “I was sick a lot as a kid, I doubt you have anything I haven’t already fought off.”

 

Bucky stepped back to let him through the doorway. 

 

“One question though-” he asked. “What’s ‘ _ The Fellowship of the Ring _ ?’”

 

Bucky felt his face literally morph into the ‘wow’ emoji Nat was so fond of using ironically. “You’ve never seen ‘ _ Lord of the Rings? _ ’”

 

“Oh, sure, I read them as a kid, now that you mention it,” Steve answered. “There’s movies?”

 

“Um...yeah,” Bucky answered, “and they’re amazing.” He smiled at Steve. “I hope you’re ready for this.” 

 

“Me too,” Steve answered. 

 

For a minute, Bucky wasn’t sure if Steve was still talking about the films.  

 

*****

 

Bucky Barnes loved Halloween - and candy - and he refused to feel one iota of shame about that. As he got dressed for the day in a costume he was sure the kids were going to love, he realized he was still riding an emotional high from Steve’s impromptu sick visit two weeks ago. He’d started to feel better immediately, as though just being around Steve had healed him. 

 

Mary had been so much happier with the split schedule arrangement they’d worked out, that her behavioral issues largely disappeared. And even better, she was making friends and actually playing at recess instead of writing endless digits of pi in the dirt with a stick. 

 

Steve seemed to be loosening up a bit too. He didn’t pick Mary up every day but when he did, Bucky couldn’t help the little stupid annoying butterflies in his stomach. They’d shared a beer or two and played darts a few more times at Hawkeye’s, and had plans to watch  _ The Two Towers  _ over the upcoming fall break.

 

_ Oh shit _ , thought Bucky.  _ Was that a date? Were they dating?  _ Despite their makeout session weeks ago, Bucky wasn’t really sure where they stood with one another. He was definitely interested, of course, but he was not supposed to date his students’ parents. He felt a similar restraint coming from Steve. The issue came up so rarely, he wasn’t entirely sure what the school’s official policy was. 

 

He absolutely didn’t want to mess things up for Mary, though, or for Steve. No, they were definitely just friends, he told himself. That’s how it had to be. 

 

Bucky shook his head and adjusted his blue cardigan, tucked the hairs that had escaped from his ponytail back behind his ears, and grabbed his messenger bag. He went outside to wait for Nat. He usually walked to school, but she’d offered to pick him up today, as he had a red wagon all decorated like a red trolly full of treats for the kids. 

 

Bucky was trying to get the wagon/trolly down his front steps by himself when he heard Nat pull up. He looked up as she walked up the steps. 

 

“Wow, you really went all out,” Nat said taking in his costume, closer than normally shaved face, and the decorated wagon. She looked amazing, dressed up like Galadriel complete with long flowing white dress, blonde wig, and silver necklace. Bucky told her so and she smiled her real smile, the small one she kept for when she was actually happy.

 

“Here - let me help you,” she said, rolling up her long costume sleeves and picking up one end of the wagon.

 

Bucky smiled as he helped her lift the wagon into the back of her car.

 

“You think the kids will like it?” he asked gesturing down at himself. “I mean, they might be a little young.”

 

“Nonsense,” she said. “I am, however, wondering what Mary and Steve will think.”

 

Bucky stopped short. “What do you mean?” 

 

“Bucky-” Nat started. “You are obviously into Rogers. I know it. Clint knows it. Hell, even Sam knows it.”

 

Bucky felt his cheeks heat up.

 

“And...it’s just as obvious that that dude is into you too. I mean like, really into you.”

 

“So?” Bucky asked, both afraid and anxious to hear what Nat was going to say next.

 

“And you dress up like Mister  **_Rogers_ ** for Halloween? Wishful thinking much, Barnes?”

 

Bucky opened his mouth to reply. And then shut it. And opened it again. 

 

“Alright, Barnes, don’t just stand there and guppy at me, get in the car,” Nat said. 

 

*****

 

Thankfully, Mary had no idea who ‘Mister Rogers’ was and just squinted at him. She came dressed all in black except for her t-shirt which featured a pumpkin with the symbol for pi superimposed over it.

 

“It’s ‘Pumpkin Pi,’ get it?” She asked.

 

Bucky nodded. “I do; clever.” 

 

“Steve says it’s funny.” Mary shrugged. “He’s such a dork sometimes.” She rolled her eyes. 

 

The rest of the day passed relatively uneventfully. As much as he loved the kids, Bucky was looking forward to four days off and his not-a-date date with Steve.

 

He said a silent prayer that Roberta, not Steve would be picking Mary up today. 

 

But the universe had other plans that involved royally screwing over one James Buchanan Barnes, apparently, he thought.

 

“Mr. Bucky is dressed as someone called ‘Mister Rogers’ today,” Mary said the second Steve was within earshot. “I don’t know who that is, but it’s funny they have the same last name as us.” 

 

Bucky wished one of the famous Florida sinkholes would open right there and swallow him whole. 

 

Steve just looked at him, smirking.   

 

“Yes, it’s funny,” he said. “Mister Rogers, wow, that takes me back,” Steve finished.

 

Bucky tried to speak but had no idea what to say.  _ Is it possible to blush so hard you pass out, _ he wondered. 

 

Mary turned to leave. Steve encouraged her to go ahead and get one last run around playground in.

 

Then he stepped in close to Bucky, put his lips next to Bucky’s ear and said in a low voice just for him, “You shaved? I like it.”

 

Bucky turned quickly to face him, but Steve had already moved back and was turning to leave.  

 

“Happy Halloween, Bucky,” he said. “See you Sunday for the movie?”

 

“It’s a date,” Bucky said without thinking. “Ah - I mean - it’s not a date-” he stammered.

 

“It’s not?” Steve asked, and without waiting for Bucky’s answer, turned and walked away, but not without tossing a wink over his shoulder in Bucky’s direction. 

 

*****

 

_ I am so fucked _ , thought Bucky as he got ready for the movie. 

 

He had no idea what to expect. Steve’s hot and cold behavior was driving him crazy. Of course he wanted more from Steve, but his ‘better angels’ kept telling him in no uncertain terms to keep it in his goddamn pants.

 

Bucky bustled around his place, putting away random crap and generally trying to straighten up. He didn’t have much so really all he accomplished was ordering and reordering the books on his shelf.

 

He heard Steve knock at exactly 7:00pm. 

 

He opened the door to find Steve standing on his porch holding a pizza box in one hand and a six pack in the other.

 

“I figured I’d bring dinner,” he said.

 

Bucky nodded. “C’mon in.”

 

As they settled in to watch the movie, Bucky was hyper aware of Steve’s proximity. They sat a few feet apart on Bucky’s overstuffed couch. 

 

Bucky had seen  _ The Two Towers _ several times and could quote it at length, but he had no idea what they were watching. Instead, every ounce of his attention was trained on Steve and the tension between them.

 

Finally after what felt like three hours but was probably more like thirty minutes, Bucky reached for the remote and paused the movie.

 

Steve looked at him. “Bathroom break already?” he asked. 

 

“Steve,” Bucky started, turning to face him. “We can’t do this,” he said, but he heard the lack of commitment in his own voice.

 

“Do what?” Steve asked.

 

“This!” Bucky said gesturing between the two of them. “I mean, I like you, and I’m extremely tempted, but-”

 

Steve shifted a bit closer to him. “But you can’t date your students’ parents,” he finished.

 

Bucky sighed, relieved. “Yes, thank you. I’m sorry, you’re a great guy and-”

 

Steve groaned. “Oh no, not the ‘you’re a great guy speech.’”

 

“What do you want me to say?” Bucky asked. “I don’t want to hurt you or Mary and I can’t lose my job, Steve.” He shook his head and looked down. “I just can’t,” he added quietly.

 

He felt Steve move closer and then one of Steve’s strong hands was cupping his cheek and lifting his face up. He met Steve’s eyes. His lips were so close.

 

“I have good news,” Steve said, and Bucky felt his breath on his face.

 

“W-what is it?” Bucky whispered.

 

“I’m not Mary’s parent,” Steve continued. “I’m her uncle; any rules against dating uncles?” 

 

Bucky opened his mouth to speak but Steve stopped him with a kiss.

 

He froze for a long two seconds. Fuck it, he thought, game on. He parted his lips for Steve and met his tongue. He opened for Steve and let him explore his mouth. Bucky ended the kiss by sucking at at Steve’s bottom lip and nipping it lightly before pulling back.

 

Bucky looked at Steve. His pupils were blown, his cheeks were flushed, and his hair was messed from Bucky’s hand running through it. Bucky didn’t know if he’d ever seen anything more beautiful. He thought about saying so, but before he could Steve put his strong hands on Bucky’s waist and hosted him to straddle his lap. 

 

Bucky startled a bit at the manhandling, but felt himself go from interested to rock hard so fast his head spun. 

 

“This okay?” Steve asked, his voice thick.

 

“Yeah,” Bucky said, leaning in to kiss Steve and grind against him, his hand tangling in the hair at the back of Steve’s head.

 

Steve moaned into the kiss and moved his hands down to grip Bucky’s ass. He pulled Bucky closer and he could feel the hard line of Steve’s cock against his groin.

 

Bucky broke off from the kiss to pant into the side of Steve’s neck before licking and sucking at the long column of his throat. He latched onto a point just under Steve’s collar and sucked hard. Bucky pulled off and soothed the mark with his tongue.

 

He felt Steve’s hands scrambling with the hem of his t-shirt, starting to pull it up to run his fingertips over Bucky’s stomach.

 

Bucky froze.

 

Steve stilled his hands. He reached up to cup Bucky’s face.

 

“Is this too much?” 

 

Bucky shook his head. “No, it’s just -”

 

“We don’t have to do this,” Steve said.

 

Bucky let out the breath he’d been holding. “I haven’t really let anyone see me since - since the accident,” he said and looked down. “I mean, I’ve been with people, but-”

 

Steve lifted Bucky's chin so that he could meet his eyes. 

 

“Bucky - you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen,” Steve said. “I want to make you feel good, but you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

 

Bucky searched Steve’s blue eyes and found nothing there except sincerity. He took a deep breath, reached down with his right hand, and pulled at the hem of his shirt. He felt and heard Steve gasp and then Steve’s hands were helping him ease the shirt over his head and off of his arm. 

 

Bucky watched Steve take in his naked chest, the scarring that ran along his left side, and the stump. He held his breath. Steve reached both hands up and ran them from Bucky’s waist over his chest to his shoulders and then back down and up again, repeating the motion. His hands were so warm and so firm and Bucky had missed this so much. He arched into Steve’s touch and and moaned as Steve stopped mid-caress to tease at his nipple. 

 

Steve leaned forward to let his lips follow his fingers, mouthing over Bucky’s right nipple, licking and sucking at it. 

 

“Oh God,” Bucky moaned, hard again and grinding his ass down to feel Steve beneath him. 

 

Steve moved his hands to Bucky’s back and leaned in to suck his neck. Bucky scrambled to try to pull Steve's shirt off. He needed to feel Steve’s chest against his. He needed it more than he needed his next breath. 

 

Steve got the message and leaned back to pull his own shirt off, tossing it aside. And now Bucky was really going to die because he forgot how to breathe. He knew Steve was built from the way he filled out his shirts, but  _ goddamn _ he was fit. 

 

When he finally looked back at Steve’s face he hated the worry furrow he saw on Steve’s brow.

 

“Something wrong?” Steve asked.

 

“No, you’re - my God - you’re amazing,” Bucky said. He mirrored Steve’s earlier touching with his own hand and watched Steve’s face as his pupils dilated even more. Bucky pressed his chest to Steve’s and whined at how good it felt.

 

The next thing he knew they were side by side on his couch and he had one leg hitched up around Steve’s hips, the two of them grinding shamelessly against each other.

 

“Mmm, Bucky,” Steve moaned into his neck, “want you.”

 

“God - Steve,” Bucky said and rubbed his hand over Steve’s crotch, cupping him through his jeans.

 

“Do you want -” Steve asked, making fast work of unzipping Bucky’s pants.

 

“Yes,” Bucky sighed, “I do, but I’m too close. Just - just touch me.  _ Please _ .” 

 

Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand and brought it to his mouth. He licked a stripe back and forth across Steve’s palm and then took two of his fingers into his mouth, sucking them. He watched Steve’s eyes roll back in his head.

 

“Fuck,” Steve swore and Bucky almost came hearing the desperation in his voice.

 

He released Steve’s fingers with a pop. Steve reached down to stroke him. He moved his hand over Steve’s showing him how he liked it, and watched Steve watching him thrust into his hand. 

 

Bucky needed to come. God he needed to come. But he wanted Steve to feel good too. He batted Steve’s hand away, and worked to pull his cock free.

 

“You clean?” Bucky asked.

 

“Yeah,” Steve grunted.

 

“Good,” Bucky said and licked his own hand, shoving his hips forward to line his cock up with Steve’s before squeezing them together. 

 

They both groaned at how good it felt, and Steve wrapped his hand around Bucky’s, spit and pre-come slicking the way.

 

They rutted against one another, biting at each other’s lips. Steve released his grip on Bucky’s hand and their cocks to reach back and ghost his fingers over Bucky’s hole and that was it, he came, hard, with no time to warn Steve.

 

“Fuck, fuck, sorry,” Bucky said as he moaned through it.

 

“Bucky!” Steve cried and came, his breath hot on Bucky’s neck. Bucky held him through it. 

 

A moment later, Steve reached behind them to grab a napkin and cleaned them up. He pulled Bucky back to him. 

 

They came down together, slowly, and Bucky felt their breathing sync up. 

 

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky said. “Best. Movie. Ever.”

 

He felt the rumble of laughter in Steve’s chest before he heard it. When Steve wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer he thought,  _ I could get used to this; _ _ I could get used to feeling loved _ .

 

*****

 

Five nights later, Bucky sat at Hawkeye’s watching some basketball game he had no interest in while nursing a beer and waiting for Steve. He’d thought of little else except how Steve had kissed him, what he looked like when he came, and how good it had felt to be with him since Sunday night.  

 

“Jesus Barnes, pull yourself together.” Clint started Bucky. He hadn’t even noticed him return from the other end of the bar. 

 

Bucky just looked at him and shrugged. “That obvious?”

 

“You got it bad, huh?” 

 

Bucky nodded.

 

Clint clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m gonna go grab you some nachos, man. You probably haven’t even eaten today, too busy pinin’ for Rogers.”

 

Bucky opened his mouth to protest but then realized Clint was right. He hadn’t eaten at all. His stomach growled as though it had just caught up to this fact.

 

“Thanks, Clint,” he said and Clint waved over his shoulder as he walked back to the kitchen.

 

Bucky took a sip of his beer. He heard the bell that hung on the door to Hawkeye’s ring and tried not to look too excited as he swiveled his barstool around. 

 

The man that filled the door frame was one that Bucky knew. One he knew intimately, in fact. 

 

But it was not Steve. The man who was currently standing in Hawkeye’s bar was one Bucky had prayed to God he’d never see again. 

 

Bucky sat frozen like a deer in headlights as Brock Rumlow walked up to him.

 

“Long time no see, James,” Rumlow said. And with those words, Bucky’s world came crashing down around him.

 

*****


	5. If You See Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve meets Bucky's ex, Brock Rumlow and immediately dislikes him. Seeing Rumlow again throws Bucky into a tailspin of self-loathing. Bucky makes plans to leave town. Can Steve convince him this new thing between them is worth staying for?
> 
> Warning for explicit content in this chapter and vague and probably inaccurate descriptions of military life and PTSD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one, folks. (That's what she said). 
> 
> Merry Christmas, have some porn! I kept trying to get this done earlier but my family was all like "let's do holiday stuff" and "let's bake cookies" and "let's spend time together," and I was like "I have SMUT to write, dang it."
> 
> It took me longer than expected to get this chapter finished, but hopefully it was worth the wait.

Chapter 5: If You See Me

 

Steve knew something was off the minute he opened door to Hawkeye’s bar. He spotted Bucky’s back, his hair spilling over his broad shoulders. Bucky faced away from him and was slightly hunched over the bar. Another man he didn’t know - shorter, dark-haired, ruggedly handsome, Steve admitted, grudgingly - seemed to be talking to Bucky. The other man carried himself with the contained energy and practiced ease of someone who had been in more than one fight. Steve pegged him as ex-military; special forces, he figured, like Bucky.

 

But it was Clint’s face that set the hairs to standing up on the back of Steve’s neck. His expression was unusually serious; all traces of his normal smirk gone. Clint met his eyes immediately and tilted his head in Bucky and the stranger’s direction, side-nodding urgently a couple of times. Steve nodded slightly;  _ message received _ , he thought. He made his way to Bucky’s side in less than six paces.

 

“Hey there Buck,” he said, laying his hand gently on Bucky’s left shoulder to get his attention.

 

Bucky jumped, but turned to face Steve. Steve didn’t know who this guy was or what had happened, but based solely on the expression on Bucky’s face, Steve wanted to commit grievous bodily harm against him. Bucky’s eyes were wild, his breathing was too fast, and he was paler than Steve had ever seen him. Steve recognized some of the signs as the beginning of a panic attack. He’d seen his sister have enough to know.  

 

“Who’s your friend?” Steve asked, trying to get him to focus. 

 

“Brock Rumlow,” the stranger said, turning toward Steve and extending his hand.

 

Steve looked down and took the man’s hand, squeezing a little harder than was necessary.

 

“Steve Rogers,” he said. 

 

“Heck a of a grip you got there, Rogers,” Rumlow said, shaking his hand out after releasing Steve’s. “How do you know James?”

 

Steve glanced at Bucky. He still hadn’t recovered. He looked between Steve and Rumlow as though he couldn’t believe that what was happening was real.

 

“We’re friends,” Steve said, not sure if Bucky wanted their relationship to be public. “And you?” he asked.

 

“We served together,” Rumlow said. “Iraq. Ain’t never seen a better sniper than James. What’d you have man, over 30 confirmed kills?” he finished, clasping Bucky’s right shoulder before letting his hand fall. 

 

Steve noticed Bucky wince when Rumlow’s hand fell on him and saw him shrink away slightly. 

 

Steve looked up and Clint was standing in front of them, pot of coffee in one hand, a box of food in the other. 

 

“Your to-go order is ready, guys,” he said, handing the box to Steve.

 

Steve wasn’t sure what to do.

 

“Anyway, I’d better be going,” Rumlow said. “Just wanted to say hello to an old friend,” he added, emphasizing the world ‘friend’ in a way that Steve did not like, at all.

 

Steve watched him walk to the door to be sure he was leaving and then he turned back to Bucky. Bucky was still breathing too fast. Steve exchanged a glance with Clint. He leaned over to try and make eye contact with Bucky.

 

“Hey - you okay? Who was that guy?” he asked, setting his free hand gently on Bucky’s left shoulder.

 

Steve had no warning for what came next. Bucky turned and stood in one smooth motion and shoved Steve, hard. Steve scrambled backwards, struggling to maintain his balance, and dropped the box Clint had handed him. Distracted by the nacho mess, he barely realized Bucky passed him. He was already halfway out the door by the time Steve turned fully around.

 

Steve bolted after Bucky, following him out into the night.

 

“Bucky! Bucky - wait!” he yelled. Bucky was a fast son of a gun, thought Steve. He’d already lost track of him.

 

Steve assumed Bucky would retreat to his apartment, so he headed in that direction. He got about a block up the street, still calling Bucky’s name, when someone tackled him, taking his legs out and knocking him to the ground. He felt someone settle their weight on his chest and then a strong forearm pinned him across the throat. 

 

Steve willed his body to relax despite his fight response kicking in. He knew how to maneuver out of a hold like this but he wanted to try something else first. He tried to speak, staring up at a very angry looking Bucky.

 

“Bucky -” he rasped. “Bucky,” he tried again. “It’s me - Steve.”

 

Bucky just looked at him. He didn’t seem to recognize him. His brow furrowed as though he was trying to remember something. He eased up a bit, releasing some of the pressure on Steve’s throat.

 

“You know me,” Steve said. “Bucky - you know me,” he said again.

 

Bucky’s face changed and Steve saw fear flash through his eyes.  

 

“Steve?!” Bucky asked, his voice hesitant. 

 

“It’s okay - you’re okay,” Steve tried but Bucky was looking at their positions. 

 

“Oh God,” Bucky said. “What did I do?” Bucky asked his voice near breaking, and Steve could feel his heart cracking along with it.

 

“It’s okay - I’m fine. We’re fine.” Steve poured reassurance into his words, but Bucky was standing and turning away from him.

 

Steve scrambled to his feet and started after him.

 

Bucky turned back.

 

“No - don’t follow me, Steve.” He waved his arm. “Stay away from me.” 

 

Steve stepped forward within arms length.

 

“Goddamnit, Steve, I said ‘Stay back!’” Bucky yelled and shoved him again, before turning and sprinting off into the darkness.

 

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Clint turned him around.

 

“Let him go,” Clint said. “Nat and I will check on him.”

 

“But -” Steve started.

 

“He’ll be okay,” Clint said and Steve let him turn him around and walk him back toward Hawkeye’s. 

 

*****

 

Steve hadn’t been in a funk this bad since Mary had croup as a baby and kept him up all night worrying about her coughing. He tried to snap himself out of it, for Mary’s sake. She said Bucky had been out again all week at school. Despite Clint’s reassurance that he’d checked on him and Bucky was “doing okay,” Steve had a bad feeling about this. He felt like he’d lost something just as he was starting to realize how badly he needed it.

 

When Roberta came to collect Mary, Steve was shocked to realize it was already Friday evening and had been a full week since he’d seen Bucky.

 

“Good Lord, you look terrible,” Roberta informed him.

 

He smiled despite himself. “Thanks.”

 

“It’s that Barnes boy, isn’t it? Mary’s teacher? Do I need to go and give him a talking to? Never mind your dumbass trying to date her  _ teacher _ ,” she added as an aside. 

 

“No, ma’am,” Steve said. Then he sighed. “Yeah, it’s about him, but it’s not his fault.” 

 

Robera nodded, but kept her gaze on his while Mary ran to the back to collect her things. “I mean it, you sure you're okay to be alone tonight?” she asked, touching his arm.

 

He rubbed his hand over his face. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he said. He wondered who he was trying to convince, himself or her.  

 

Roberta just looked at him for a long moment. He got the sense she was assessing him. He imagined what she was seeing- ratty sweats, an old t-shirt, circles under his eyes, and several days' worth of stubble. 

 

He must have passed the test. Roberta nodded.

 

“Alright,” she said. “But you get some rest and eat an actual meal, okay?” She poked him in the chest for emphasis.

 

“Got it,” Steve said. 

 

Mary ran passed him.

 

“Let’s go, Roberta!”

 

“Alright, alright, maybe Steve needs a hug quick, though?” Roberta said, turning Mary back around, her hands on Mary’s small shoulders.

 

Steve bent down and had to admit he appreciated Roberta’s suggestion. Mary wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed. Steve patted her back and struggled not to let tears well up in his eyes.

 

“Take care of Fred,” Mary said, releasing him and moving to take Roberta’s hand.

 

“Alright,” Steve said.

 

“And don’t eat all the cereal, like you always do,” Mary said over her shoulder.

 

Steve chuckled despite himself.

 

“I won’t,” he said. “Promise.”

 

“Pinky promise?” Mary asked, turning back to face him and extending her hand and finger.

 

He wrapped his pinky around hers and shook lightly.

 

“Pinky promise.”

 

*****

 

Two hours later Steve had showered and changed into clean sweats at least, but he couldn’t muster up the energy to shave. He rummaged through the kitchen for something other than cereal only to find bare cupboards. He typically ate out Friday’s, either at Hawkeye’s or a burger place he liked, but despite his stomach grumbling, he didn’t feel like leaving the house.

 

Steve grabbed the last bottle of beer from the fridge and settled down to watch tv. Maybe he’d order pizza later, he thought. 

 

He must have dozed off when he heard his doorbell, followed by a soft knock.  Had he ordered pizza and forgotten , he wondered. No, more likely Mary had forgotten something.

 

“Just a minute,” he called out and walked over to the front door. That was weird, he thought. Roberta and Mary would usually use the back door.

 

He ran a hand through his hair, and opened the door.

 

Bucky stood on his doorstep in a black hoodie and jeans. 

 

Steve let out the breath he was holding.

 

“Hey - what -” his sleep-deprived brain was having trouble processing what was happening. Had he conjured Bucky through wishful thinking? Was he still dreaming, maybe?

 

“May I come in?” Bucky asked. “I don’t blame you if you don’t want to talk. I wouldn’t want to talk to me either - wait is Mary home - oh shit I didn’t think about that -” Bucky was rambling, his eyes a little wider than they should be.

 

Steve held up his hands.

 

“It’s okay, come in,” he said. “Please.” 

 

Steve stepped back to let Bucky in. 

 

Bucky grabbed something off of the porch railing. It looked like a take out container from Hawkeye’s.

 

“I brought pizza,” he said, as he walked in. “Clint kind of insisted. Said this was your usual order…”

 

Steve waived him through the entryway and ushered him into the living room.

 

“Have a seat -” he said, gesturing at the couch and then realized his mistake. His pillow and blanket covered the couch and several days’ worth of coffee cups and beer bottles littered the coffee table.

 

Steve bent down and grabbed the blanket and pillow, shoving them out of the way to make room for Bucky. He could feel the blush creeping up his cheeks.

 

“Sorry, I’m not usually so messy -”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Bucky said. He set the pizza on the corner of the coffee table that was open. He sat down on Steve’s couch. Steve sat next to him in his ancient recliner. 

 

“Can I get you something to drink?” Steve asked, leaning forward and realizing as he offered he was out of everything.

 

“No, thank you,” Bucky said. “I can’t stay,” he said. Steve felt a stab of disappointment. “I just came to bring you some food - compliments of Clint for -,” Bucky paused to make air quotes with his hand - “‘eating at Hawkeye’s every Friday for five weeks and sort of being decent competition at darts,’ - and-,” he dropped his hand to his lap after the second air quote, “I came to apologize.” Bucky looked down. Steve hated to see him so full of shame.

 

“You don’t need to apologize,” Steve said.

 

“Steve -” Bucky started and met his eyes. “Please, let me say what I came here to say.” 

 

Steve nodded, and braced himself. He felt like whatever tenuous hope he held out for a relationship with Bucky was about to be shattered.

 

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Bucky started. “I was not myself at the time, but that doesn’t make it okay.”

 

“Bucky you -” Steve tried to interrupt. Bucky silenced him with a look.

 

“I haven’t had an episode in years,” he said. “But seeing that asshole Rumlow really fucked with me.” Bucky shook his head. “I don’t know what he’s doing here,” Bucky continued, “but it isn’t good. Rumlow was special ops, like me. We worked together.” Bucky paused and looked down again. “We...dated,” he said quietly.

 

Steve nodded. He’d put that much together.

 

Bucky looked up and met Steve’s eyes, his face a mask of pain.

 

“I am a killer, Steve,” he said. “Whatever Rumlow said last week - well, he wasn’t exaggerating.” Steve recoiled at the self-loathing and bitterness that dripped through Bucky’s words.

 

“Rumlow was there, when it happened,” Bucky continued, looking down at his hand. Steve knew that Bucky was talking about the mission where he lost his arm.

 

“He left me for dead,” Bucky said, his voice flat. “After everything we’d been through, he fucking left me.” Steve felt his bile rise at seeing the angry tears well up in Bucky’s eyes.

 

“So I left the army and I fucking ran,” Bucky continued. “I ran from the killing; I ran from him. I thought I was passed it; I thought I could make up for it, somehow,” he said and tears streaked down his face, breaking Steve’s heart. Bucky laughed, mirthlessly. “I thought I could be a teacher?!” he said, incredulity in his voice. “My God, what a fool I am,” he said before folding his face into his hand and sobbing.

 

Steve couldn’t hold himself back any longer.  He shoved the coffee cups and beer bottles off the table and moved to sit across from Bucky. He took Bucky by the shoulders and shook him, gently.

 

Bucky looked up and the raw pain on his face made Steve want to find Rumlow and beat him senseless.

 

“Bucky - you are not a killer,” Steve said. “You may have killed people, but that doesn’t make you irredeemable. We all did terrible things,” he said. There was no point in denying that. 

 

Bucky just looked at him. Steve willed him to believe his words. Bucky shook his head and Steve’s hands off his shoulders. He grabbed a tissue from the box on the table, and wiped at his face. 

 

“Anyways,” he said, “I just came to apologize and to say goodbye. I’m turning in my resignation on Monday.”

 

“What?!” Steve shouted. “You are not leaving,” he said, standing.

 

Bucky stood. “It’s not up to you,” he said, and Steve saw anger flash through his eyes.

 

“I didn’t take you for a coward,” Steve said, leaning forward into Bucky’s space.

 

“What. Did. You. Call me?” Bucky asked, definitely angry now.

 

“You can run from Rumlow, you can run from me,” Steve said, quieter now, “but you can’t run from yourself, Bucky.”

 

Bucky recoiled as though he’d been slapped.

 

Steve took a deep breath and a huge chance. He reached out to cup Bucky’s face in his hands.

 

“Stay,” he said. “Please stay...with me?” he asked.

 

Bucky searched his face, his eyes wide, his nostrils flaring. He nodded slightly, almost imperceptibly.

 

Steve leaned forward and kissed him. He tried to pour all the longing he’d felt - all the pain and worry and fear of losing something new but already precious to him - into it. 

 

Bucky pulled back and gasped. “Steve -” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

 

Steve felt Bucky snake his hand into his hair as he pulled him forward into another kiss. He moved one hand on the back of Bucky’s neck and the other to his hip. Steve pulled Bucky’s body flush to his, while parting his lips for Bucky’s tongue.

 

God he tasted good , thought Steve, sliding his tongue against Bucky’s.

 

Steve kissed Bucky like it was the last thing he’d ever do. He mapped his mouth and sucked on his tongue. He bit at his lips and only pulled back because he needed to catch his breath. 

 

He looked at Bucky’s blown pupils and swollen lips. Steve pulled Bucky’s hair, exposing his neck and throat before moving to kiss and lick and bite along his skin.

 

Bucky moaned and thrust his hips forward as Steve sucked a mark into his neck. He pushed his thigh between Bucky’s legs, and let him grind against him. Steve felt lightheaded with how badly he wanted Bucky. He felt like a teenager again, ready to shoot off in his pants.

 

Bucky pulled at his shirt, and Steve leaned back to tear it off himself. He heard the fabric rip as he did so, but he didn’t care, because Bucky was pulling the waistband of his sweats away from his body and then he was gripping Steve, almost too tight. 

 

“Ughn, Bucky,” Steve heard himself moan as Bucky loosened his grip and began to stroke Steve’s cock.

 

He recovered slightly and pulled the zipper down on Bucky’s hoodie. Bucky released him so that Steve could help him get his shirt off. He ran his hands over Bucky’s beautiful bare chest, remembering that he liked his nipples played with, Steve worshiped one and then the other with his lips and tongue until Bucky was moaning continuously.

 

He straightened up to capture Bucky’s mouth again in a kiss that was more teeth and fast licks of tongue than technique. Bucky reached beneath his sweats again and grabbed his ass, pulling him in and rolling his body against Steve’s. 

 

“Steve -” Bucky groaned out his name. “Take me to bed - now.”

 

Steve rested his forehead on Bucky’s shoulder. Hearing his voice gone so thick with want did things to Steve. He found himself having to breathe through it to avoid coming. 

 

He lowered himself into a partial squat and grabbed Bucky underneath each thigh before lifting and encouraging him to wrap his legs around his waist. Steve locked his arms behind Bucky’s back to secure him. Bucky was not a small man, but Steve didn’t spend hours each week lifting weights for nothing. He knew his own strength. At any rate, it was worth it to see the look of astonishment mixed with lust on Bucky’s face.

 

Later, he’d have no idea how he made it to the bedroom, carrying a squirming Bucky who did his best to devour Steve’s mouth the entire time. 

 

He dropped Bucky on his bed, and stood back. Steve pulled his sweats and underwear off in one motion. Bucky scrambled up onto his elbow and sucked in a breath at seeing Steve fully naked. Steve felt heat flush his cheeks as Bucky ran his eyes over him, slowly, as though he were committing Steve’s body to memory. 

 

“Really?” Bucky asked. “Now you’re blushing?” Bucky flopped back so that he could pull at his own button and fly. “You gonna help me or what?” he asked.

 

Steve didn’t need to be asked twice. He lowered himself over Bucky, but shifted to his right - Bucky’s left - so that his weight wasn’t crushing him. With his left hand free, he could help unzip Bucky and slide his jeans down slim hips.  

 

After he got Bucky’s pants off, it was his turn to stare. Sure, they’d been intimate, but he hadn’t really gotten to see Bucky naked - not like this. The vee of his hips was perfection, and his lower abs and the dark trail of hair leading down to his hard, thick cock made Steve’s mouth water.

 

“Something wrong?” Bucky asked at Steve’s hesitation.

 

Steve tried and failed to speak. He tried again.

 

“Jesus, no,” he said. “You’re gorgeous, Bucky.”

 

Steve glanced up at Bucky’s face. It was his turn to blush, apparently. Steve reached up and drew him in for a kiss. 

 

“I mean it,” Steve said between kisses, “you are beautiful, Bucky Barnes.”

 

“And you’re a cheesy punk, Steve Rogers,” Bucky admonisted but his words lacked some of their bite as he pulled Steve against his naked body and both men gasped. 

 

“What -” Steve tried to ask between kisses but it was hard to form words when Bucky's hand was on his cock. “What do you want?”

 

Bucky kept working him. The way he rubbed his thumb over the head on the upstroke made Steve groan and leak into Bucky’s hand.

 

“I think-” Bucky said between strokes, “I’m making it-,” stroke, “Pretty clear-” stroke, “what I want-” stroke. “I want this -” stroke, “inside me-” stroke, “as soon as possible,” he finished.

 

“Jesus Christ,” Steve swore. He reached down to still Bucky’s hand, and then scooted away to rummage in his nightstand drawer for lube and a condom which he set near them. He moved back toward Bucky to see he had spread his legs. He bent his right knee as Steve watched and gripped his own ankle, giving Steve a hell of a view. 

 

Steve grabbed a pillow and then scooted down the bed and tapped Bucky’s hip, so he’d lift it. He slid the pillow under his hips. Steve moved back up to kiss Bucky’s left nipple and circled the tip of his tongue around it just to hear Bucky gasp again. Then he worked his way down Bucky’s body, pressing sucking kisses to his lower abs and hipbones. He traced each bone with his tongue and raked his teeth gently over them before moving to Bucky’s happy trail. Bucky’s cock bobbed against his chin but Steve ignored it in favor of lathing his inner thighs, hips, and abs until Bucky was a writhing mess beneath him, keening and whimpering. 

 

“Please - Steve,” Bucky whined.

 

Steve gripped Bucky’s cock in one hand and splayed his hand over his left hip to hold him steady. He hesitated for a few seconds. It had been awhile since he’d done this and he desperately wanted to be good for Bucky. 

 

Steve blew out the breath the was holding and licked a long stripe up the underside of Bucky’s cock. He licked around the tip and then took him in his mouth sucking and bobbing his head down to meet his hand. Bucky let out the most wanton noise Steve had ever heard, and he moaned his response around Bucky’s cock. Steve never wanted to forget that sound.

 

He took more of Bucky into his mouth, moving his hand down to cup Bucky’s balls. He felt Bucky thread his fingers into his hair, tentatively. Steve reached back with his hand and encouraged Bucky to grip his hair and move his head how he wanted it, humming his approval when Bucky began to thrust into his mouth. 

 

He worked Bucky right to the edge and pulled off, sitting back and grabbing the lube. Bucky groaned in frustration but nodded when he held the lube up for confirmation. Steve coated his hand, and circled his fingers over Bucky’s hole, touching lightly before he kissed and licked at the tip of his cock again. 

 

Steve sat back up and took Bucky in his hand, stroking his cock while he worked one finger in. He watched Bucky’s face for signs of discomfort. He worked a second finger in, slowly loosening him. 

 

“Another,” Bucky said, “Give me more.” Bucky moved his hips to try to get Steve’s fingers deeper. Steve obliged and must have brushed his prostate. Bucky arched off the bed and yelled his name.

 

Steve pulled his fingers out and searched for the condom. He rolled it over himself and tried to find the lube. Bucky reached down and slicked him up before pulling him back into position. As he lined himself up, Steve briefly wondered how Bucky had managed to open the lube with one hand, but then he was sinking into Bucky and all thoughts fled from his mind. 

 

God, he was so tight, and so warm , thought Steve. He pushed in slowly, so slowly Bucky grabbed his ass and tried to hurry him. But Steve refused to be hurried. He met Bucky’s wide eyes and let himself slide into him. When he bottomed out, he heard Bucky make a noise like all the air had been punched out of him.

 

“You feel so good,” Steve said as he buried his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck. He was lost in the sensation of being inside Bucky. 

 

“Steve, Steve-” Bucky was saying. “You can move - I need you to move,” Bucky said and wiggled slightly.

 

Steve came back to himself. He pulled out and pushed back in, gently at first and then working up to a hard, deep rhythm, brushing Bucky’s prostate every few thrusts. Bucky moved with him, his hand on Steve’s ass or lower back. He tried not to hit Bucky’s prostate every time because the noises Bucky made when he did were going to make Steve lose what little control he had left.

 

He felt Bucky’s hand move back up to his shoulder. Bucky shook him lightly.

 

“Let me ride you,” Bucky said when he got his attention. 

 

“Fuck, yes,” Steve answered, and gripping Bucky’s hips, reversed their positions.

 

Steve kept his hands on Bucky’s hips to help him balance. Bucky rode him, moving his body up and down and running his hand through his own hair. Steve had never seen or felt anything better. He thrust with Bucky, matching his pace, but mostly he let Bucky have his way with him. 

 

Bucky worked up to spearing himself on Steve’s cock on every downward motion. He reached his hand down, still a bit slick with lube and gripped Bucky.

 

“Oh God-Oh God-Oh God,” Bucky moaned. And well Steve was only human and knew he couldn’t last much longer.

 

“Bucky - Bucky I’m going to come,” Steve said.

 

He felt Bucky constrict around him and then he felt him come over his hand, shooting onto his stomach and chest. He watched Bucky’s back arch into a bow and his mouth shape itself into a silent ‘oh.’ 

 

Bucky looked down with hooded eyes and continued to move over Steve. Steve ran his fingers through the come on his chest before pressing them to Bucky’s mouth. Bucky licked and tasted and sucked his come off of Steve’s fingers, moaning around them. 

 

Steve came so hard his vision went white.

 

The next thing he knew, Bucky was lying next to him, tucked into the space between Steve’s arm and chest. Bucky ran his hand over Steve’s chest and down his side, gentling him, letting him come back to himself. It was such a kind touch, Steve felt his heart squeeze a little too hard. He reached over with this free hand to brush Bucky’s hair out of his face and meet his eyes. 

 

He wanted to tell Bucky how he made him feel, but he didn’t want to spook him.

 

“I really do want you to stay,” he said, finally.

 

Bucky smiled at him.

 

“You might have given me some additional things to think about,” Bucky answered, slapping lightly at his stomach. “Like the best sex I’ve ever had.”

 

Steve couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Yeah, me too,” he said, softly, holding Bucky’s gaze.

 

Bucky looked away, blushing. Steve didn’t think it was possible for him to be more adorable.

 

“I say we shower and then we eat that pizza Clint sent,” Bucky said. 

 

“Yeah,” Steve said, “just as soon as I can feel my legs. You wore me out, jerk,” he teased.

 

“You didn’t seem to mind, punk” Bucky answered, meeting his eyes again. Steve smiled at the mirth in them.

 

“No, I did not.” Steve said. “No, I most definitely did not,” he repeated. 

 

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come, and back to more plot-based chapters next.


	6. Everything I Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve come clean about their relationship to Mary and Fury. Bucky has the best Christmas he can remember.

Three Weeks Later 

 

Bucky bounced his knee rapidly as he worried a paperclip between his thumb and middle finger. His heart was pounding and his dress shirt was sticking to him already, even though it was a relatively cool day for Florida and only 9am. Why had he picked today to wear a damn sweater vest?  _ Because you knew you were going to see Steve and he’d said he liked the way the color brought out your eyes and you’re a stupid hopeless idiot who is already in love with a man you’ve only known for three months _ , he thought,  _ and now you’re going to lose your job, one of the few things that has kept you sane- _

 

Bucky jumped as Steve’s strong hand settled on his knee. He gently held his knee down to keep him from giggling. 

 

“Relax,” Steve said. “It’s going to be okay.” He soothed his hand up and down over Bucky’s knee a few times.

 

Bucky looked at Steve, and really he could probably convince him to do just about anything when he was that earnest. He patted his hand once over Steve’s, and then took several deep breaths holding at the top of the inhale and exhaling slowly, counting down from five. Steve squeezed his knee one more time and then moved his hand back to his own lap.

 

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, thought Bucky as they waited to officially declare their relationship to Fury. Bucky had emailed him last night and given him the gist of things, Fury’s reply had been straight-forward - “Tomorrow. My office - 9am,” but it wasn’t out of character for him to be brief. 

 

They’d told Mary a week ago and that had gone better than expected. Well - Steve had told her, but then Bucky met the two of them for coffee. Bucky smiled at the memory. Mary had just rolled her eyes and sighed and said “yeah, I KNOW,” when Steve explained that she came first and that she could talk to him if she was ever uncomfortable with anything. Bucky got the sense Steve had given her that little speech a few times before he met them. “It makes sense,” Mary had said. “You’re both huge dorks.” Bucky felt his heart grow too big for his chest, like the Grinch, when Steve teared up a bit at Mary’s declaration.

 

Nick Fury didn’t so much enter the office as barge into it. Bucky jumped when he slammed the door. Fury walked behind his desk and then rounded to face them. He slapped both palms flat on the desk and leaned forward, glaring at them.

 

“You have got to be kidding me,” he said. 

 

“Principal Fury -” Steve started, leaning forward in his chair.

 

“Don’t you ‘Principal Fury’” me,” he said. “What are you THINKING?!” He looked from Steve to Bucky. Bucky swallowed and looked down. He’d thought about what might happen. And if he wasn’t immediately fired and was forced to choose between Steve and his job, he hadn’t entirely made up his mind which would win out.

 

Steve stood up and Bucky could tell he was angry from the sound his chair made when it scooted back. 

 

“You got no right to yell at him like that,” he said. “Yell at me all you want, but Bucky’s a great teacher and he doesn’t deserve this.” Bucky glanced up at Steve - he’d pulled himself up to his full height and jutted his chin out at Fury. Bucky got a flash of what a younger Steve must have been like, always spoiling for a fight, before he’d settled into some adult patience and restraint. 

 

“The way I see it, he’s just as much of an idiot as you are - in fact, he’s such an idiot that I’m going to rename him ‘Dumbass One’ and I’m going to call you ‘Dumbass Two,’” Fury yelled.

 

Bucky heard them continue to fling harsh words at one another, but he stopped listening. Finally, after the third or fourth verbal volley, he stood.

 

“Stop it,” Bucky said, quietly.

 

Steve and Fury didn’t notice him.

 

“I said, STOP,” he shouted, and finally both men turned to face him.

 

“First of all, we get it,” he said, holding his hand up in a ‘stop’ gesture. “Neither of us planned on this and the last thing we want to do is hurt Mary.” Bucky shook his head at the thought. “Second, I looked up the district policy and I talked to Nat, our union rep,” he added, reminding Fury of her position, “and strictly speaking, while relationships are ‘discouraged’ there’s no official ban.” He looked down at his shoes and then back up, meeting Fury’s eye. “Third, if you make me choose between this man and my job, well...I choose him,” Bucky finished.

 

Bucky looked from Fury to Steve. Fury just stood with his mouth open in shock. Steve, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to devour him.

 

After twenty seconds that felt more like twenty years, Fury threw his hands up.

 

“Fine,” he said, exasperation bleeding through his words. He bent to open a desk drawer and fished out some paperwork. He shoved the paper across the desk at them. “Fill this out, and if either of you screw this up and hurt that little girl - so help me -” Fury let the rest of his sentence go unspoken. Bucky smiled to himself. Leave it to Mary to worm her way into a guarded, grumpy old heart like Fury’s, he thought.

 

Steve smiled at him and there was a fierceness in the expression that made Bucky swallow, hard.

 

*****

 

Bucky was going to die. And it was all Steve’s fault. He smiled for the thousandth time that day. He felt heat creep up his cheeks thinking about last Friday night. If Steve didn’t kill him with a sex-induced heart attack, he was going to walk into traffic because he was daydreaming about something cute Steve had said or done. The past few weeks since they’d told Fury about the two of them had been nothing less than the best time of Bucky’s life. Most of the time they spent together was Friday night through Saturday morning. Steve wanted to keep “adult sleepovers” to times when Mary was at Roberta’s in order to give her time to get used to the idea of them as a couple and Bucky agreed. 

 

Part of him hated feeling this way. It was too vulnerable and too syrupy sweet.  _ You’re a Goddamn grown ass man _ , he chided himself. But none of that stopped him from going the extra mile with wrapping the Christmas gift he’d gotten for Steve. He slipped the box into the inside pocket of his jacket. Christmas wasn’t for another couple of weeks, but he couldn't wait. On the way out the door, he grabbed the small bag of gifts he’d gotten for his friends. 

 

He started down the street toward Hawkeye’s when his phone buzzed with a message from Steve saying he was going to be late, he had some work to finish up at the shop. He said he’d meet him at Hawkeye’s and to go ahead order for him. Bucky was nervous about going to Hawkeye’s. The last thing he wanted was to run into Rumlow again. He’d booked extra appointments with his therapist after the last encounter and felt mostly okay. But he was meeting Nat and Sam to exchange gifts before holiday break, and Clint assured him Rumlow would be asked to leave in no uncertain terms if he showed up again, casually suggesting that one of his darts might “accidentally” find its way to Rumlow’s eye should he walk through the door. Bucky smiled. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve friends like Clint, Nat, and Sam but he sure as hell was grateful for them.

 

Two hours later, Bucky had a hell of a buzz going as his friends bought him drinks to celebrate he and Steve “making things official.” While waiting for Steve, he’d decided to give them the gifts he’d chosen. Sam shook his hand and pulled him into a partial hug as thanks for the basketball tickets. Nat’s eyes lit up and she smiled softly at the framed, detailed map of Middle Earth he’d ordered for her from a fan art shop he found on Etsy. She surprised him by throwing both arms around his neck and hugging him. Nat rarely touched other people. Bucky patted her back and cleared his throat before she released him.

 

Reaching into the bottom of the bag, he pulled out a brick-sized package for Clint.

 

“Aw Barnes, you shouldn’t have, kicking your ass at darts almost every week is gift enough,” said Clint but the way he tore the paper open belied his casual words. Clint looked down at the package marked with danger warnings in multiple languages and exhaled sharply. 

 

“Is this what I think it is?” Clint asked.

 

“It’s ‘extra caffeinated’ coffee from Romania,” Bucky said. “I hear it’s illegal in thirty countries and most of the continental U.S.”

 

Clint looked up at Bucky and his eyes were round and shining like an anime character.

 

“This is amazing, Bucky,” he said. “Thank you; I’d kiss you but I’m pretty sure that guy would slug me,” he said, nodding over Bucky’s shoulder. 

 

Bucky turned to see Steve walking up to them, still scruffy from work and tired-looking, but smiling. The minute Steve was within reach, he pulled Bucky into a hug. 

 

“Sorry I’m late,” he said. 

 

Bucky sighed. “It’s okay, you’re here now,” he said low into Steve’s ear. Then, feeling bold from the liquor, he kissed Steve full on the lips. He felt Steve tense in surprise and then relax. 

 

When Bucky pulled back he heard Nat wolf whistling. 

 

“You guys eating here or taking it to go?” Clint asked. 

 

Bucky kept his eyes on Steve’s.

 

“To go,” he said, watching Steve’s pupils dilate.

 

*****

 

Bucky stopped on his porch outside of his apartment. He pulled Steve’s gift from his jacket pocket. 

 

“Here -” he said, handing it to Steve. “I want you to open this.”

 

“But it’s not Christmas, yet,” Steve said.

 

“For once in your life, Rogers, break a rule,” Bucky said, smiling. 

 

Steve laughed. “I think we’ve broken several, just in the last few weeks. But your present isn’t ready yet,” he added.

 

“Don’t worry about that,” he said shaking his head. “Just open it, Steve.” 

 

Steve looked down at the package in his hands. He slid his fingers under the paper, carefully loosened the tape, and sliding back the tissue paper, revealed the book inside. Steve turned it over in his hands and ran his fingers over the cover, reverently.

 

“Bucky - this is too much, I can’t accept this-”

 

“You can and you will,” Bucky said. “I’ve been saving that for the right person. And well,” he took a breath, “I think you’re him.”

 

Steve looked at Bucky.

 

“Open the cover,” Bucky said.

 

Steve looked down and opened the cover of the first edition, signed copy of ‘The Hobbit,’ that had been Bucky’s most prized possession. Inside the book, was a key to Bucky’s apartment and a slip of paper that had the four digit key code to his security system written on it. 

 

“Bucky I-” Steve started, stopped and swallowed. He gently closed the book cover and met Bucky’s eyes. “I love you,” he said quietly.

 

Bucky sucked in a breath. He knew how he felt, but he really didn’t expect to hear it from Steve first.

 

“I love you too, punk,” he said, just as quietly.

 

Steve leaned forward, cupped his cheek in his free hand and kissed him. 

 

“Why don’t you try it out?” Bucky asked after Steve stepped back, nodding at the new key.

 

Steve opened his door and put the code in, apparently already having memorized it. Bucky had suspicions Mary wasn’t the only intellectually gifted member of the family. And it occurred to him that Steve had disarmed his heart just as easily as he punched the numbers into the keypad. 

 

*****

 

Bucky had no idea how Steve had talked him into this. He was a strong swimmer despite despite only having one arm, but generally he didn’t do boats. It was Christmas Day and Steve and Mary insisted on taking him out. Steve assured him he’d stay in relatively shallow water, but Bucky had to practice his deep breathing to quell his anxiety during the tour.

 

They stopped at a sandbar that seemed deserted, but when they docked Steve’s small boat and walked up onto the beach, Bucky noticed an artificial Christmas tree set up, complete with decorations and lights that must have been hooked up to battery packs. He turned and squinted at Steve.

 

“Steve - what did you do?”

 

“Do you like it?” Steve asked as Mary scrambled up over to the lawn chairs and cooler Steve must have put there.

 

“I love it,” Bucky said, grabbing Steve’s hand and squeezing. 

 

The three of them spent a beautiful day playing in the sand and lounging about on the beach. Steve had packed sandwiches and tried to apologize for the mundane fare. Bucky wouldn’t have it, and they ended up in a tickle fight that ensured Bucky would be digging sand out of places he’d never thought about for weeks. Mary finally stopped them with a bucket of water to their faces.

 

“It’s time for presents; if you’re done being stupid,” she said.

 

Mary opened several books from Steve and a new Ipad in a waterproof case with Minecraft already loaded. They’d both needed Nat’s help to get that set up. On Nat’s recommendation, Bucky bought Mary a Magic Cube and she spent most of the day finding various solutions to the thing. The puzzle looked like a Rubix cube on steroids and Bucky was grateful when she didn’t solve it inside of ten minutes. 

 

After lunch, he and Steve relaxed in the longue chairs, holding hands, toes in the sand, sipping beer and watching Mary build yet another sandcastle. Bucky felt like he was perfectly content and he never wanted to forget this moment. He tried to memorize the way the sun shone on the water, the feeling of the warm sand, and the sounds of the gulls. He was lost in thought when he felt Steve slip a small object into his hand.

 

“Steve, what’s this?” he asked, turning the small, wrapped package over in his palm.

 

“Open it,” Steve said, quietly.

 

Bucky set the object in his lap and used his fingers to slide under the wrapping. He held his breath when the paper revealed a small box. His fingers shook a little as he lifted the lid. Bucky exhaled sharply when he saw the contents.

 

“Steve, I-” he started.

 

Steve set his beer down and turned his body toward Bucky.

 

“Is it okay?”

 

Bucky, ran his finger over Steve’s dog tags. 

 

“It’s perfect,” he said and met Steve’s eyes.

 

“Good,” Steve nodded. 

 

Bucky lifted the chain over his head and settled the tags on his chest. There were tears in Steve’s eyes when he leaned forward to kiss him and as happy as Bucky was, he felt a little sad because he knew he’d never experience a better Christmas.

 

*****

 

The day after Christmas, Bucky left his apartment and headed down to Hawkeye’s for lunch. He’d promised to keep Clint company for the slow-post holiday shift.

 

“What. the. hell?” Bucky thought as he walked up to the bar.

 

A plethora of arrows protruded from the front of the bar. Bucky tilted his head to the side and squinted in the mid-morning sun. The arrows were not randomly sunk into the wood siding. No, he thought, he was pretty sure they were in the shape of a Christmas tree.

 

Bucky looked around and noticed they were not the only new decorations. An arrow stuck out, dead center, from the bar’s bullseye sign. Another protruded from the “no shirts, no shoes, no service” sign on the door. Most improbable, thought Bucky, was the arrow he noticed sticking out of the top of the streetlight. How had that even happened, he wondered. 

 

He followed the line of sight to where the arrows must have come from. There, in one of the larger boughs of an elm tree laid Clint Barton. 

 

Bucky walked over to stand under him. Clint was sprawled on his belly, with his arms and legs around the branch, snoring loudly. Somehow, miraculously, he still held his bow in one hand and a coffee pot in the other.

 

Clint jerked awake as Bucky approached. 

 

“What the hell, Clint?” was all Bucky could think to say.

 

Clint smirked at him.

 

“That was some good coffee, Bucky. Some good coffee.” Clint shifted his arm and set the coffee pot on the branch so he could sit up. He looked at Bucky, considering. “Got any more?” 

 

*****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, this is so fluffy I want to die. This chapter was a lot cuter and fluffier than I thought it would be. But I guess it's good they're happy now because, well, shits about to hit the fan. *maniacal laugh* 
> 
> I think I may have to write an 'interlude' (a Clint-erlude?) about Clint's adventures while jacked up on illegal Romanian coffee. 
> 
> Happy New Year, Folx!!!


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